MtF hormone question?

Is there a such thing as identifying as a woman and wanting to be one desperately socially and ually, but when you go on hormones you feel yourself slip away and you're no longer you? I want to be a woman, but on hormones I didn't feel like me. I had a panic attack and threw up then went into a horrible depression and went off hormones. Could that just be my male hormones fighting back? I felt a sudden urge to go back to dressing and acting male, but do not want to. I don't. Do you think it would be a better idea to try taking hormones more slowly? I was only on them 5 days...100mg Spiro and 4mg progynova, which I understand is a fairly normal regimen. Could it be because I started both all the sudden all at once and would be better to start spiro alone for a while at 25 or 50mg and see how it goes? Then if all goes well then add in the E at only 2mg and see how it goes? Then up the dose if all goes well. Start off in small doses for a while...6 to 8 weeks then up the dosages slowly, would that be a good idea? I hate what my male hormones are doing to me and would like to lessen them but doing it all at once was such a huge shock to my system and it terrified me back into living as a man even though I have spent 10 years dreaming of no longer being one.